Some theories claim us women should let the men hunt after us. If a man wants a woman he should come after her, wooing her, doing his best to capture her heart. So, as strong independent women, we shouldn’t pursue the man too much. We should wait, hang back, continue with our lives and hope for the best. That is kind of hard for a proactive and enthusiastic woman! But I have been experimenting with this ‘new’ technique. In reality it is an extremely old myth that takes us back to the romanticized image of a caveman dragging a woman by the hair. Here we imagine a powerful and decisive man and now that we have arrived in the year 2019 a lot of ladies want to try out this primal tactic.
Well, my experience after a couple of months is I am still very much single. Hanging back, waiting for the best has given me exactly the same results as when I pursued the man more. I’m starting to believe I’ve just not met many truly respectful or grown-up men and age didn’t even influence this. I’ve met young guys in the past from 26 years upwards and besides a couple of short monthly flings no long-term relationship followed. I thought maybe it was time for me to start dating according to my own age, 42, as that might deliver more serious dates. I have had a couple of dates with men my age and the times that I really liked someone and wanted to get to know them better he must have just not been that into me. Sure, after the first date they would app every now and again but it was almost like now, sending me an app was a chore; a chore they’d rather drop instantly.
But let me make it clear, I’m not a princes, high on my horse, needing protection from the realness that exists in a man’s heart. Maybe some women have ruined it for all the rest of us and men are afraid of just speaking their truth? If someone’s not that into me they can just let me know and I’ll thank them for a lovely date and wish them well.
In this case my great date was a very busy man, working too long hours, trying to meditate after that and spending every weekend with his four children. The date, for me, was really nice and at the end it seemed his cheeks were as red as mine from excitement. We didn’t kiss but stood there 15 minutes talking some more in the pouring rain before he got into his car and left. A week and a half later I was trying to get the app messages going again because he’d not been sending me much of anything. All the joy that seemed to be there before the date had disappeared afterwards. I let him know I’d really like to meet up with him again and he replied saying that he thought the date was really nice and he’d like to meet up again as well. I then put it on the table that I did notice he was very busy with everything else, too busy maybe? I just wanted an open conversation about it. Apparently he didn’t like my honest observation as he then ignored me and blocked me after that.
Any man who is unable or unwilling to look at their own life and have an open conversation about it with a possible date can’t be ready for a relationship. The fact that he was my age, a business owner and took care of four children didn’t suddenly make him more grown-up or respectful towards me. He could have just said ‘No thank you, goodbye’. No problem. But eh… no, he couldn’t say no.