221/ Eh… NO

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Some theories claim us women should let the men hunt after us. If a man wants a woman he should come after her, wooing her, doing his best to capture her heart. So, as strong independent women, we shouldn’t pursue the man too much. We should wait, hang back, continue with our lives and hope for the best. That is kind of hard for a proactive and enthusiastic woman! But I have been experimenting with this ‘new’ technique. In reality it is an extremely old myth that takes us back to the romanticized image of a caveman dragging a woman by the hair. Here we imagine a powerful and decisive man and now that we have arrived in the year 2019 a lot of ladies want to try out this primal tactic.

Well, my experience after a couple of months is I am still very much single. Hanging back, waiting for the best has given me exactly the same results as when I pursued the man more. I’m starting to believe I’ve just not met many truly respectful or grown-up men and age didn’t even influence this. I’ve met young guys in the past from 26 years upwards and besides a couple of short monthly flings no long-term relationship followed. I thought maybe it was time for me to start dating according to my own age, 42, as that might deliver more serious dates. I have had a couple of dates with men my age and the times that I really liked someone and wanted to get to know them better he must have just not been that into me. Sure, after the first date they would app every now and again but it was almost like now, sending me an app was a chore; a chore they’d rather drop instantly.

But let me make it clear, I’m not a princes, high on my horse, needing protection from the realness that exists in a man’s heart. Maybe some women have ruined it for all the rest of us and men are afraid of just speaking their truth? If someone’s not that into me they can just let me know and I’ll thank them for a lovely date and wish them well.

In this case my great date was a very busy man, working too long hours, trying to meditate after that and spending every weekend with his four children. The date, for me, was really nice and at the end it seemed his cheeks were as red as mine from excitement. We didn’t kiss but stood there 15 minutes talking some more in the pouring rain before he got into his car and left. A week and a half later I was trying to get the app messages going again because he’d not been sending me much of anything. All the joy that seemed to be there before the date had disappeared afterwards. I let him know I’d really like to meet up with him again and he replied saying that he thought the date was really nice and he’d like to meet up again as well. I then put it on the table that I did notice he was very busy with everything else, too busy maybe? I just wanted an open conversation about it. Apparently he didn’t like my honest observation as he then ignored me and blocked me after that.

Any man who is unable or unwilling to look at their own life and have an open conversation about it with a possible date can’t be ready for a relationship. The fact that he was my age, a business owner and took care of four children didn’t suddenly make him more grown-up or respectful towards me. He could have just said ‘No thank you, goodbye’. No problem. But eh… no, he couldn’t say no.

 

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220/ No no No no No

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I am baffled by the amount of men I have come across in my dating fairy tale so far that have been unable or unwilling to end communication in a respectful, grown-up and polite way. Let me first point out that I have been longing for a long-term loving relationship for a couple of years now. So my ‘goal’ so to speak is clear. I’m not looking for a one night stand or a friends with benefits situation. My dating attempts linger around that longing for real love, it was my main reason to keep my eye on the look out.

So, say for example you ‘met’ another person via a dating app and you have been talking with each other for two or three days and it has been pleasant. You even agreed to meet for a coffee and on the morning of the coffee date he cancels it. After I express that this has happened to me a couple of times and I get a little insecure about it, he replies saying he will be in touch to agree on a new date. Guess what, the day after he sends me a photo of himself off to work and I replied to it and after that he never contacted me again. So… OK if you changed your mind, OK if you met someone else you’d rather date, OK if you’re poorly and can’t make it, OK if you just don’t feel like talking anymore, but… just let someone know! Why not just let me know.

213/ What’s eating Taco?

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-GHOSTING-

When a person cuts off all communication with the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding phone calls, social media and avoiding them in public. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. We simply cannot expect maturity from (a) Taco. Maybe I need to find some mature cheese next time.

 

Living from a frame of love

2018-06-23 Elly (1)a.jpgHere I am playing a game of checkers I realize more and more that the dating ‘game’ is most likely not for me, even if I’ve tried it a gazillion times in the past and will probably feel the need to try again sometime in the future, right now I am done with it.

There is space in my life for people who have humor and positivity. Who are able to communicate openly about their feelings, who respect my feelings, my boundaries and who enjoy an in depth conversation in which we simply get to know ourselves better, (which to me is the reason why we are alive at all). People who can appreciate when you give them your precious time, energy, attention and tender love and who live and let live without shame or too much prejudice.

To me these things above are so basic. It is so simple. I didn’t pick up these things in my youth, I had to teach myself to try live from this frame of love. Because I deserve that, others deserve this love & respect and it feels good to act according to these values. I will stick to them even if someone is unable to understand my kindness. Even if someone does not seem able to meet me halfway I will still answer with kindness and respect. Because that is what I am: love. And it makes me feel good inside.

I wish you a light day with the sun rays on your face giving little touches of love.

139/ VIDEO – I am a mountain

Yay, I have another video for you, this time I’m showing you how I add color to my comic with ecoline and then how I edit my image digitally afterwards. Also I speak about dating and men, so that is quite exciting. Have a peek or a peak and enjoy! ♥

148/ I attract men that… 2/2

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I seem to attract the men who are still so deep in the soul searching process. Of course I am still working on loving myself and figuring certain things out but there are some basics that I've dealt with and it would be so nice to have a partner on sort of the same basic level. It almost feels rude to request or to want this. But it is truly what I long for.