221/ Eh… NO

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Some theories claim us women should let the men hunt after us. If a man wants a woman he should come after her, wooing her, doing his best to capture her heart. So, as strong independent women, we shouldn’t pursue the man too much. We should wait, hang back, continue with our lives and hope for the best. That is kind of hard for a proactive and enthusiastic woman! But I have been experimenting with this ‘new’ technique. In reality it is an extremely old myth that takes us back to the romanticized image of a caveman dragging a woman by the hair. Here we imagine a powerful and decisive man and now that we have arrived in the year 2019 a lot of ladies want to try out this primal tactic.

Well, my experience after a couple of months is I am still very much single. Hanging back, waiting for the best has given me exactly the same results as when I pursued the man more. I’m starting to believe I’ve just not met many truly respectful or grown-up men and age didn’t even influence this. I’ve met young guys in the past from 26 years upwards and besides a couple of short monthly flings no long-term relationship followed. I thought maybe it was time for me to start dating according to my own age, 42, as that might deliver more serious dates. I have had a couple of dates with men my age and the times that I really liked someone and wanted to get to know them better he must have just not been that into me. Sure, after the first date they would app every now and again but it was almost like now, sending me an app was a chore; a chore they’d rather drop instantly.

But let me make it clear, I’m not a princes, high on my horse, needing protection from the realness that exists in a man’s heart. Maybe some women have ruined it for all the rest of us and men are afraid of just speaking their truth? If someone’s not that into me they can just let me know and I’ll thank them for a lovely date and wish them well.

In this case my great date was a very busy man, working too long hours, trying to meditate after that and spending every weekend with his four children. The date, for me, was really nice and at the end it seemed his cheeks were as red as mine from excitement. We didn’t kiss but stood there 15 minutes talking some more in the pouring rain before he got into his car and left. A week and a half later I was trying to get the app messages going again because he’d not been sending me much of anything. All the joy that seemed to be there before the date had disappeared afterwards. I let him know I’d really like to meet up with him again and he replied saying that he thought the date was really nice and he’d like to meet up again as well. I then put it on the table that I did notice he was very busy with everything else, too busy maybe? I just wanted an open conversation about it. Apparently he didn’t like my honest observation as he then ignored me and blocked me after that.

Any man who is unable or unwilling to look at their own life and have an open conversation about it with a possible date can’t be ready for a relationship. The fact that he was my age, a business owner and took care of four children didn’t suddenly make him more grown-up or respectful towards me. He could have just said ‘No thank you, goodbye’. No problem. But eh… no, he couldn’t say no.



220/ No no No no No

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I am baffled by the amount of men I have come across in my dating fairy tale so far that have been unable or unwilling to end communication in a respectful, grown-up and polite way. Let me first point out that I have been longing for a long-term loving relationship for a couple of years now. So my ‘goal’ so to speak is clear. I’m not looking for a one night stand or a friends with benefits situation. My dating attempts linger around that longing for real love, it was my main reason to keep my eye on the look out.

So, say for example you ‘met’ another person via a dating app and you have been talking with each other for two or three days and it has been pleasant. You even agreed to meet for a coffee and on the morning of the coffee date he cancels it. After I express that this has happened to me a couple of times and I get a little insecure about it, he replies saying he will be in touch to agree on a new date. Guess what, the day after he sends me a photo of himself off to work and I replied to it and after that he never contacted me again. So… OK if you changed your mind, OK if you met someone else you’d rather date, OK if you’re poorly and can’t make it, OK if you just don’t feel like talking anymore, but… just let someone know! Why not just let me know.

219/ Alien says No

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Are we all doing things and living life according to how we think the world expects us to live? Following the treaded path of school, work, relationships, children etc? Do most of us feel caught up in this matrix that we have all created? Do we feel pressured to follow the ‘rules’, all boxed in and lost? Do we feel stressed, burned out, depressed? Have we forgotten how to spend time with ourselves? Just me, myself and I, without screens, loud chatter and constant input.

I feel we’ve forgotten that we can step out of the box,at any time and listen to ourselves. Become ourselves more each day, it takes practice to find the one we once were. Who were we before we started to run on that gigantic treadmill, before we lost ourselves into this stressful oblivion. Don’t feel pressured into getting children when you feel you want to spend your lifetime on your own development, your broken heart, your lost soul.

Don’t have children if you just want to focus on your dog(s) and love them like they’re your babies. Don’t take that office job that doesn’t suit you if you want to get into a new education or want to travel. Don’t travel around the globe when all you want to do is spend month on your couch with Netflix because it’s what you need. Don’t start a diet and lose yourself in black and white calorie counting when all your body longs for is for you to love and cherish it. Don’t feel pressured to have a boy- or girlfriend if you just want to enjoy fucking around and be free. Don’t put on a dress if you feel like trousers. Don’t hide yourself if you feel you want to shine and don’t put a mask on, faking it till you make it when you really need to just cover your head with the duvet and stay in. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. If it gives you a nagging feeling, an unease and it weighs heavy each time you have to do it: STOP IT. Say No. Practice saying NO. You deserve to walk your own path, you don’t owe anybody anything ♥